You Can Have Me by Sidewalk Prophets

If I saw You on the street
And You said come and follow me
But I had to give up everything
All I once held dear and all of my dreams
Would I love You enough to let go
Or would my love run dry
When You asked for my life
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me
If You’re all You claim to be
Then I’m not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering
I will love You enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me
I want to be where You are
I’m running into Your arms
And I will never look back
So Jesus, here is my heart
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
My Father, my love
You can have me

Hear my Plea

Circumstances crashing down all around
Life right now feels like a million crushing pounds
You’re right here with me, so it says in your book
Yet, I can’t seem to find you anywhere I look
I know you say “Walk by faith and not by Sight”
But Lord, I’m so ready to let go of this fight

I long to be humbled in your presence
To bow down before you with all of my essence
I long to live for you and make you proud
Yet money and fame draw such an enticing crowd
No one seems to understand my decision
Or why I would want to make your glory my mission

I am so sick of this world and its lies
But what else will I do if otherwise?
They say I will starve to death if I choose your way
But you promised to provide for me every single day
My heart is divided and torn with fear
Lord won’t you please come and dry all of my tears?

You say there is great purpose for my life
I wish I could see beyond this overwhelming strife
“Oh God please help me” I pray
“Things will get better soon” they say
How much more God, what do you wish to prove?
I can’t do this much more, this place I long to move

Waiting doesn’t feel like much fun anymore
This season of adventure has become rather sore
My tolerance for pain is about up
Jesus won’t you please refill my cup?
I need you now more than ever
Please come through for me, I will cease to praise you never

How God's Love Changed My Life

I use to find love in all the wrong places, leaving me empty and unfulfilled. I relied on people to love me in ways they couldn’t, and I was always let down. It seemed they could never love me the way I wanted to be loved. And then I allowed God‘s love to drastically change my life. His love is far beyond love you could receive from another human being. His love is unfailing, consistent, and has a greater depth than you could ever think or imagine. In God’s eyes you are so full of worth, captivating, and treasured, all the time. No matter how you mess up, he will never turn his back on you. He desires you more than anyone else you know. He always listens, always comforts, and always respects you. I used to go to sleep at night feeling worthless and alone. Now when I lay my head on my pillow I feel God holding me in his arms. God’s love has set me free from being disrespected, guilt, and shame. He has made me innocent and pure. Before I looked at this world through a dark distorted view, and now I see with the eyes of a little girl. His love is unfathomable, and it can change your life far beyond anything you could ever hope. It did mine.

Blessings

In early August of 2009 I sat on a park bench overlooking the lake in Spring Lake with my bestfriend Laura. I had a yearning in my heart. I told her that I wanted the both of us to do something real with our last year at WIU. I said I wanted to make our apartment a safe haven for women and I wanted to make a difference in their lives. This seemed impossible, because we didn’t really have any resources …or girls. I can’t describe the passion I felt for this to really happen. All we could do was ask God. We prayed “God bring us women”. Little did I know God would take that prayer and multiply it with blessings beyond my imagination.
My senior year was the best year of my college career. God placed ten beautiful women in my life, ten women who changed my life forever. Our apartment did become a safe haven, a place of love, trust, growth, and fun. The memories we made were all thanks to my King. It was incredible what God did. I couldn’t have pulled this off on my own.
My senior year was a rough year trying to figure out ‘the next step’. My future seemed daunting. I was daily overwhelmed with fear and doubt. All my previous plans had fallen through. But I didn’t realize the whole time I was with these girls, God was spelling out my future. I soon realized my heart’s desire wasn’t to go to class so I could get good grades, graduate in May with a bachelor’s degree in zoology, and land a well paying job in my field. Rather it was helping these girls. Thoughts of them crossed my mind all day. Praying for them, meeting with them, laughing with them, learning with them, growing with them. It’s what I lived for. I loved being with them.
I watched them grow. I saw incredible healing and growth take place. I saw them surrender more and more of their lives to Christ. I saw them develop strength. I saw them become more secure and fall in love with our savior. What I saw brings tears to my eyes today. You see those kinds of things are what is truly important in life. Those kinds of things are what I want to live for.
Before I met these girls, I read in my bible that God can bring joy like no other. I didn’t believe it. I prayed “Show me that kind of joy God”. He showed me through these girls. Being a part of what God did in their lives my senior year was a new kind of joy I had never experienced, God’s joy. I would never take back that time. I used to think that having a husband only brought the best kind of joy. I can tell you not even the best man could have replaced the feeling I felt in my heart. It was all God.
These girls have inspired me. What they don’t know is, helping them grow helped me grow. When God let me be a part of their lives, he showed me my ‘next step’. My heart’s desire is to help women live better lives. It wasn’t just a hobby to meet new friends in college. It was something real and powerful. Something much better than a bachelor’s degree in zoology. Everyone thinks I am crazy. Why would I throw away an opportunity to make money, when I will starve to death in ministry. And maybe I am crazy for throwing away a great opportunity. But I know that if I don’t take the opportunity God has given me I will deeply regret it. I want to live for the joy that God brought me through these girls. I want to live for my King. When I die and stand before Him, I want to hear “Well done good and faithful servant”.
Girls, Thank you for letting me be a part of your lives. You are forever in my heart. Know I think about you often. You were the agent that God used to change my life and decide my future. You are so important to me. The memories we made, the fears we overcame. Thank you for trusting me and pursuing a relationship with Jesus Christ. I only hope that you will impact people’s lives the way you have mine. Just be willing. Remember the best kind of joy comes from God.
Laura, thank you for joining me on this crazy journey. Thank you for your encouragement, your patience, your words of wisdom. Thank you for being all in from the start. Thank you for sacrificing your time, energy, and sleep. You are so important to me.
God, Thank you for entrusting me with these girl’s lives. I know it was a big responsibility. Thank you for being with me every step of the way. Thank you for giving me the words to say, when I couldn’t say the words myself. Thank you for placing Laura by my side. Thank you for the laughs, the memories, and the testimonies. What you did was incredible. And I will forever remember how these girls impacted my life. A heart’s desire came true when I placed it in your hands. I will forever live for you. I love you.

Greatly to be Praised by Fee

Lift your eyes, lift your eyes to the One
Who’s reigning over us, for He has overcome
Fill the skies, fill the skies with a song
As heaven sings along, to glorify the Son

Who is like You, none compare
There’s no one like our God

Great and greatly to be praised
Name above all other names
Powerful and strong to save
Hallelujah, our God reigns
Our God reigns

Glory in the highest place
King of mercy, God of grace
Together let the earth proclaim
Hallelujah, our God reigns
Our God reigns

Tell the world, tell the world of the love
He’s lavished over us, His daughters and His sons
Made alive, made alive, now we’re free
Rescued and redeemed, the victory is won

We lift our eyes up, behold the Son
Lift our voices, and sing as one
Hallelujah, our God reigns

Questions and Answers

Why do teens kill themselves? Why do precious children pass away well before their time? Why would God rip someone's precious angel away from them at such a young age? Why do girls get their hearts broken by men, even when the relationship belonged to God all along? Why do my friends carry such painful burdens? Burdens like abuse, heart ache, death, guilt, regret, and loneliness. Life is supposed to be a gift right? If life is such a precious gift, then why is there so much pain? Overwhelming pain. If this is a gift, I want a refund. Even if one has the best day, there is pain masked underneath. Even if God does heal someone, it takes time, sometimes a lifetime. Why would God give us such a gift? Why can't we just skip the Earth part, and stay in heaven?

Catholics, Baptists, Pentecostals, Lutherans. We all believe in God, but everyone has their own opinion. Whose right? Whose opinion is right? Everyone has bible verses to support their opinions. When I went to IHOP I saw immense healing take place in people's lives. It was truly incredible. The room was filled with joy and laughter. Yet they were convulsing and speaking in tongues. Some say it was demons, some say it was God. Who is right? Being slain in the spirit? Is it real? Speaking in tongues? Is it real, or are people just trying to act more spiritual? Do prophets still exist today? Some say yes, some say no. Both have reasons to back up what they believe.

What should I do with my summer, my life? So and so believes this will be the best summer of my life if I do this, yet such and such believes that God is telling me to do this. Am I supposed to be a missionary? A conservationist? Am I supposed to train dolphins in the Navy? Am I supposed to go to bible college? If so where? So and so declares this is the best place, while others say that place it not biblical. IHOP, Rhema, EBC. The list goes on and on....

I have asked these question to many different wise men and women of God whom I trust. Searching for answers. Desperate for answers. My faith is exhausted. I am ready to give up. I'm hoping for someone to provide me with the answers I need. Some offer their opinions. While others say the opinions I just heard are wrong. "That person is crazy, don't listen to them!" I have heard read this book, read that book. Read theology. I have heard theories, that people believe might as well be facts. It has all pushed me further and further away from God. If everyone believes they are right, then how can so many right answers contradict each other?

I don't even want to believe in God anymore. I'm tired. I'm confused. I'm ready to give up. Graduating in 6 weeks and never more stressed. Deadlines approaching, with no answers. Friends with pain that are dying for healing. I am drained. Tears fill my eyes, and burdens fill my soul. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Desperate for an inkling of peace, a small piece of hope, of direction. Anything. Yet nothing.

Yesterday I was talking to a good friend, with all the same questions. And she gave me advice I haven't heard yet: pray and spend quality time in God's word. That advice seemed so refreshing and right compared to the mess of advice I have been taking. When you rely on people,you end up in a sea of confusion and chaos. For the past 3 months I have relied on everyone to solve my problems. Godly people, but people none the less. I wanted everyone else to answer and solve my hard questions. I might as well be Catholic because my relationship with God has been extremely indirect. The truth is you can't rely on people to help solve such deep issues. You must rely on God. As human beings we know nothing. We have hardly skimmed the surface of the complexity of life. The only source of truth we have is the word of God. Ask God. You cannot put full trust in a human being, because we are sinful and unreliable. You can't put your trust in theology, theories, and opinions. God might be behind all these, but he wasn't the original author. However he is the author of the bible. All scripture is God breathed (2 Timothy 3:16). You have to put your trust in God. Ask him your questions. If he gives you answers that contradict so and so's opinion, who cares. If it lines up with God's word and you heard it from God then believe it with all your heart. Who cares if it contradicts a famous Christian author's best selling book. It really doesn't matter. If you ask and he doesn't answer just yet, then wait. There is a specific reason why he hasn't answered your question yet. But he hears you. Maybe you haven't taken the time to listen, like myself. Take a day to fast and pray. Spend time with God alone. Seek the Lord your God with all of your heart. He listens. He cares. And he is passionately in love with you. His intention is never to leave you in a sea of confusion. If that's where you find yourself, take a step back, and ask him.

1 Corinthians 4:33 "For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints."

Deuteronomy 4:29 "But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul."

Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."